Momc be driving me crazy right now.
So yeah I just had my birthday and that morning she came
into my room very early praying all the prayers of life, this year marking a turning
point in my life and God lifting me higher etc which don’t get me wrong I
totally appreciate but then she goes on to say how I will have both male and
female children. Ha!!! Again I am not against childbirth and all but just
saying children like that. Has she paid a sperm donor ni or does she intend to
jazz me?
Nigeria is not easy at all. Back in the day I used to have
friends talk about how family members are constantly on their necks about
marriage. Some I pity, some I think are exaggerating. To some, I say ignore
them and don’t give a damn, while silently thanking God that I only have few
nosy extended family members on my case at family functions. Upon adding them to blocked list and changing
my whatsapp number, I have majorly solved the problem.
I have read countless blogs by single girls going on about
all the single issues and all the pressure and I have been of the school of
thought that girls just blow things out of proportion and in most cases are too
desperate. I have now seen the light. It is not easy to ignore. In fact it is
very difficult. I am not 30 yet. But shout out to every girl above 30 who isn’t
married yet.
Everyone around me is driving me nuts I tell you. A good
number just believe you are not serious. Everyone just has their own beliefs
and pre-conceived notions, not giving you a chance. My mom be getting
revelation after revelation and prophecy after prophecy. There was this one
pastor I used to call the whole of last year who used to give me prayer after
prayer. He seemed like a nice guy and did not make any funny demands so I’m
like, what the hell? Is it not to pray? That can’t hurt anybody. If he ever
asks me to do anything funny and suspicious or anything that doesn’t sit well
with my spirit then I’ll stop calling.
I kept calling under momc’s supervision though. She’d come
into my room occasionally and say the guy said I no longer call. To be honest,
I’ve had some really brutal experiences that until they happened to me, I’d
only seen them in movies. I’ve had it really bad I tell you. But after the
middle of last year all my ginger for guys totally died. Not like I’m totally a
cynic now oh. Yes I’ve had that “all men are evil” stage too but I’ve totally
outgrown it. I am at a phase now where I am just calm. If it happens, I’m
thankful. If it doesn’t I still am thankful. Daily I see people who can’t feed.
Who feed families with half what I earn. One woman and her son beg at the
busstop when I go to work. Cancer of the face. I can’t begin to find the words
to describe that face and God forgive me I doubt that he will make it. I have
learnt to be thankful. I have been at a point where I was desperate and it only
resulted in me being mistreated. What I’ll say about that in the end is that
the guy kept giving me times when it would happen. And it hasn’t. It didn’t.
Till last year ended. I did send the guy a token. And his reaction was not
encouraging at all. Don’t want to go into details but that just started killing
my spirit. God forgive me.
I have work issues and to some extent I’m grateful for some
of the stress cos I don’t even get time to think about these things. I have a
friend who was so desperate. She found someone. Four years now, no job, no kid,
his family is killing her. She was best student in her set and moved into some
rural area with this guy. I’m not trying to be mean but I’m just saying I can
totally be calm. I have so much to be thankful for. But they just won’t let me.
My aunties. My uncles. A few married friends. Have a family wedding in weeks. I
am dreading it.
Main reason for this post is momc came into my room again
this morning with some instructions. From yet another pastor. To start with fasting. And by tonight she wants to know when I intend to start the fast. Insists we'll do it together.For once I’m going to tell her to just let let me be. And stop reminding me. I’m
not leprous. Just single. She needs to chill. And my aunts too.
This is the cycle - I’ll go along. And fast. And pray. And
give him gifts. And time would pass. And nothing will happen. I have peace with
myself. I need to enjoy it.
Can they all stop ????????????? Or am I overreacting ????
Have I lost my faith ?
Sorry for the lengthy post. There was no humor or nothing interesting
I know but it’s a personal blog. Bear with me.
Enjoy the rest of your week.
Much love
Xoxo.
